He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ok first of all what the fuck
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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