I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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