Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
