Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
