Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
