Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
