i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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