so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
