I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
