She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
