There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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