she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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