We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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