Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
