somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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