Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize