Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
