i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
