look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
