so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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