Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
