I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
