I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
