Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
