you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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