I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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