And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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