Yo dont text me then not text me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
