i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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