My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
