Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
