so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
