I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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