I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
