some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize