Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
