I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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