I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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