and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im holly from the hills drunk
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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