Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
