The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
