he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
