My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize