Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
