Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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