We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
