You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
