Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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