Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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