did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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