Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm both gender and math confused
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
