I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
