So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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