Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
