Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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