The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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