I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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