You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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