Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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