True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
