I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
