why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
