My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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