Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
