my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
