My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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