I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
