these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
