By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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