All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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