theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
