I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
