Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
