So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize