I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
