All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
