You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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