Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize