You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love you. Go after that dick
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
