I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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