dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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