i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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