here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
