all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
