Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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