nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
