are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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