A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
