I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
