i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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