nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
